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Blind Tiger Ale House
281 Bleecker St.
"You know you're in a beer bar when people walk up to you and want to smell your
beer"
Tracks Raw Bar & Grill
Penn Station - LIRR concourse
"I've had at least 8 beers, 5 nights in a
row. I've got to get out of here....
...So I can get up and do it again tomorrow!"
The Town Tavern
134 W. 3rd St. (Sixth Ave.)
Man: Let me buy the first round.
Woman: They still let you keep your Amex card?
Man: I don't have to give it back until the exit interview tomorrow morning.
Cabin Fever
1439 York Ave. (between 76th & 77th St.)
Man #1: I was drinking Wild Turkey like it was
going out of style.
Man #2: It is out of style. We drank that stuff in high school.
Harry's
1 Hanover Square (between Pearl & Stone St.)
"Bartenders and straight hairdressers can
really clean up in this town."
Metropolitan Cafe
959 First Ave. (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
Woman (to Man #1): What are you getting for
Christmas?
Man #2: A Clue!
Man #1: Clue, I love that game.
Paddy Reilly's Music Bar
519 Second Ave. (29th St.)
Man #1 (Younger man to older man): So, out
for a night on the town, are ya old man?
Man #2: Aye, that and the music, I am. And how 'bout yourself?
Man #1: I'm here to check out the girls!
Man #2: (raising his pint): Good for you! And may I ask, that being
the case, why aren't you standing closer to the ladies room [instead of] talking
to the likes o' me??! Focus lad, focus, I tell ya! Cheers!
Man #1: (laughing) Oh, I thought you were a player with that young lady
next to you!
Man #2: Nah, I be that young lass' Dad!
Man #1: Oh! (Departure with exit)
Dark Room
165 Ludlow St. (between Houston & Stanton St)
Woman: Where am I going to sleep tonight? Because
I'm going to miss my freakin' bus.
Man #1: You can stay with me.
Man #2: You can stay with me.
Man #1: You are always welcome.
Man #2: You are always welcome.
Man #1: Mi casa es su casa.
Man #2: (gives up)
Shades of Green
125 E. 15th St. (between Third Ave. & Irving Pl.)
(talking about two other people)
Woman: They are like the All-American couple.
Man: What about me?
Woman: She's like the Abercrombie girl. He's like the Abercrombie guy.
Man: What about me?
Woman: You're like the Anheuser-Busch guy.
Dempsey's Pub
61 Second Ave. (between 3rd & 4th St.)
Man #1 (to women just arriving): Want to
put your bags down here?
Man #2: She's got about 600 pounds of baggage, and that's just the emotional
kind.
Marty O'Brien's
1696 Second Ave. (between 87th & 88th St.)
Man #1: If you're bisexual, it just means that
you are so horny that you'll sleep with anybody.
Man #2: I agree.
Man #1: Then why aren't you bi?
Slane
102 MacDougal St. (between Bleecker & W. 3rd St.)
"New York nights are New York nights, and
they can only happen in New York."
The Town Tavern
134 W. 3rd St. (Sixth Ave.)
Australian man: Does this Bud Light taste bad to
you?
Bartender: Um, well, sir, it's probably the worst tasting American beer, so
yeah.
Cabin Fever
1439 York Ave. (between 76th & 77th St.)
Woman: You just shot the dog!
Man (playing Big Buck Hunter): It was in the way.
Uncle Jack's Steakhouse
440 Ninth Ave. (between 34th & 35th St.)
Man: Hey Murph! How come you don't
do "Overheard" as much.
Murph: Because nobody is saying anything funny around me anymore!
Marty O'Brien's
1696 Second Ave. (between 87th & 88th St.)
Woman: I'm Catholic, but I don't go to f*#king
church.
Man 1: I go to church, but I don't go to f*#king church.
Man 2: Maybe if they had f*#king in church, I'd go more often.
Rodeo Bar
375 Third Ave. (27th St.)
Woman: What band is playing?
Man: The Nadas.
Woman: Oh, they mean nothing to me.
Yankee Tavern
72 E. 161st St. (Gerard St.)
Man #1: Let's go Yan-kees!
Whole bar: clap-clap, clap-clap-clap.
Man #2: Let's go Red Sox!
Woman: Dick!
The Town Tavern
134 W. 3rd St. (Sixth Ave.)
Woman #1: Are you on a binge?
Woman #2: Put it this way: Over the past 15 day, I have been out drinking more
hours than I've slept.
Three of Cups
83 First Ave. (E. 5th St.)
Man #1: Last week, I said "The Yankees are
on rain delay" and she said, "what channel is rain delay?"
Man #2: Rain Delay, isn't that Tom Delay's sister?
Woman: Oh, is she going to jail, too?
Peggy O'Neill's
8123 Fifth Ave. (between 81st & 82nd St.)
Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Band member #1: Are there any Irish people in the
house?
Band member #2: That's like saying 'does this place sell beer!'
The Central Bar
109 E. 9th St. (between 3rd & 4th Ave.)
Man #1: Got an drugs?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: No cocaine?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: No heroin?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: No ecstasy?
Man #2: No.
Man #3: What kind of promoter are you?
Gonzalez y Gonzalez
625 Broadway (between Bleecker & Houston St.)
Woman (fumbling through her purse): I
can't find my eye liner.
Man: What's that in your hand?
Woman: Lipstick, a Sharpie and a pen.
Man: Use the Sharpie!
(later)
Man: Hey wait, isn't that it there?
Woman: No, that's a broken NY Mets pen...
Ryan's Sports Bar
46 Gold St. (between John & Fulton St.)
Hungry woman to confused bartender: "What
type of bar yum-yum nibblies do you have?"
Fashion 40
202 W. 40th St. (between 7th & 8th Ave.)
"We gotta get outta here. It's $7 a beer,
and there are no strippers!"
Slainte
304 Bowery (between Bleecker & Houston St.)
"...and she told me: 'I used to think
you were cool, but now I think you're an a--hole'."
Down the Hatch
179 W. 4th St. (between Jones St. & 7th Ave. S)
Woman: As a kid, I had an Easy Bake
oven, but my mom hated it.
Man: That explains why you still can't cook.
Ryan's Sports Bar
46 Gold St. (between John & Fulton St.)
Man #1: OK, let's see....Yes......Yes.....Yes....
and, um, Yes.
Man #2: OK, if we are playing Jeopardy!, the question is: "Would ya?"
Martell's (closed)
950 Second Ave. (between 50th & 51st St.)
Man #1: He's a real 'hands-on' bus
boy.
Man #2: Yeah, hands on the hostess, hands on the waitress...
The Lighthouse
245 Fifth Ave. (between Carroll St. & Garfield Pl.) Park Slope, Brooklyn
"I said 'I really want to get f*cked up on
my birthday', and he said: 'Why don't you try something different and not
get drunk for a change'."
Social
795 Eighth Ave. (between 48th & 49th St.)
"Wow, that girl is cute... and she's
not wearing much clothes."
Katwalk
2 W. 35th St. (between 5th & 6th
Ave.)
Man: You're right, that girl is
a slut!
Woman: I never said she was a slut. I said she's a young, drunk
idiot. There's a difference!
The Town Tavern
134 W. 3rd St. (Sixth Ave.)
Man: Where is your beach house?
Woman: Manasquan.
Man: Cool. My beach house is not far from there.
Woman: Wait a minute, you're still in a beach house?
Man: OK, I'm not talking to you anymore.
Ruby's Tap House
1754 Second Ave. (between 91st & 92nd St.)
That guy just spit beer on the bartender -
and the owner of the joint offered him a free t-shirt!
McCann's Pub
36-15 Ditmars Blvd., Astoria
Man #1: Where did
you get the shirt?
Man #2 (in bright purple shirt): “I like it. It looks good, right?
Man #1: Yeah, but it would look better in
the garbage.
Ulysses'
58 Stone St. / 95 Pearl St. (Hanover Square)
"I hate to name drop, but... Henry Kissinger
recently told me to stop name dropping so much."
Big City Bar
(closed)
1600 Third Ave. (90th St.)
Man: "It's hard to describe. My friend
said it best when he said: 'she's not a slut, but she wears a slut's uniform'."
Blaggard's
8 W. 38th St. (between 5th & 6th Ave.)
Man: (after a shot of whiskey) "I
have to get home and tuck my kids in tonight. They'll probably ask mommy
why daddy smells like this."
Trinity
229 E.84th St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
Man: The rich get richer, and the poor...
Woman: Get drunker!
Connolly's Pub
14 E. 47th St. (between 5th & Madison Ave.)
Man #1 (as he's leaving) - I don't even want to argue with you guys.
(he leaves)
Man #2: That's because he didn't want to be bombarded with his own words.
T.G. Whitney's
244 E. 53rd St. (between Second & Third Ave.)
Man #1: Remember the last time we hung out on a
Tuesday night...
Man #2: Yeah?
Man #1: I got laid... and you should have gotten laid!
Down the Hatch
179 W. 4th St. (between Jones St. & 7th Ave. S)
"That guy is a wreck, God bless him."
Azaza (closed)
891 First Ave. (50th St.)
Man #1 (talking about a faux pas he said at a
wedding, resulting in a fight with his girlfriend)
Man #2: I can't believe you said that!
Man #1: I was drunk! Just like I was drunk at x's wedding, and y's
wedding, and z's wedding...and your wedding.
Man #2: I see a pattern here.
Man #3: Yeah, people shouldn't get married!
Slainte
304 Bowery (between Bleecker & Houston St.)
Man #1: Where should we go after this?
Man #2: Puck Fair? McSorley's?
Man #1: Oh, McSorleys! I lost a $3,000 computer there once.
Man #2: That must have been back when computers cost $3,000.
Man #3: Yeah, what was it, a main frame?
Man #4: It was HAL !
Connolly's Pub
14 E. 47th St. (between 5th & Madison Ave.)
"What is he doing getting married so
young? His father should give him a beating. And if he's too old to
give him a beating, he should hire someone to do it for him!"
Moran's
501 Garden St., Hoboken, NJ
Looking at older woman...
Man #1 to Man #2: Dude...Remember...beauty is only a light switch away.
Man #2: Yeah...but lubrication isn't.
Man#1: Ouch!
Tracks Raw Bar & Grill
Penn Station - LIRR concourse
(on Jan. 6th) "My New Year's
resolutions were to stop going out every night, and to stop going to ATMs that
charge $1.75 every time
... So far, I've already broken both of them.
Kevin St. James
743 Eighth Ave. (between 46th & 47th St.)
"He couldn't organize a piss-up
in a brewery!"
Sutton Place
1015 Second Ave. (between 53rd & 54th St.)
Man #1: My New Year's Resolution was to stop buying
rounds.
Man #2: When did you start?
Man #3: You know ALL about that!
Lotus
409 W. 14th St. (between Ninth & Tenth Ave.)
Woman #1: How is it going with that guy?
Woman #2: I don't know. He called me twice, but I accidentally deleted his
number because I thought it was my brother.
Woman #1: Twice?!?!?
Woman #2: It happens.
Metrazur
Grand Central Station, east balcony
Waitress (passing hors d'oeuvres at a cocktail hour): Truffled risotto balls?
Man: When was the last time a woman came up to you and said that?
McFadden's Saloon
800 Second Ave. (42nd St.)
Woman: I am a cool wife. I don't cramp your
style, right?
Man: Yes, dear.
Fred's
476 Amsterdam Ave. (83rd St.)
Woman (eating Pepperidge Farm Gold Fish):
"This is my favorite seafood."
McSorley's
15 E. 7th St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
Bartender: How did you survive the black out?
Man: Which one?
Bartender: Not yours, the city's.
Au Bar
41 E. 58th St. (between Madison & Park Ave.) Man:
So, can I buy you a drink?
Woman: So how old are you again?
Man: 39
Woman: Ooo, you are cute! I bet you have a son my age you could introduce me too!
Man:(smiling): So how 'bout that drink, sweetheart!
Kennedy's
327 W. 57th St. (between 8th & 9th Ave.)
[On the night of the blackout]
Man #1: Damn it!
Man #2: What's wrong?
Man #1: My cell isn't working so I can't get through to my wife to tell her I'm
not going to be able to make it home until late.
Man #2: I'm sure she'll understand. Where do you live?
Man #1: W. 73d St.
John Street Bar & Grill
17 John St. (Broadway & Nassau St.) Look
at that...Ms. Pac-Man is the only lady in this place...
Raccoon Lodge
59 Warren St. (West Broadway) You know
you're old when you go to a MILF website and the chicks are younger than you
are.
Whiskey Cafe
1050 Wall Street, West Lyndhurst, New Jersey
Man: Wow your friend is hot.
Woman: Yeah, I know.
Man: How can I get a date with her.
Me: Just put your name on this list and I will submit it.
Man: Holy s***!
Sweet & Vicious
5 Spring St. (between Broadway & Elizabeth St.)
Girl #1: I love BJ
Man: Excuse me, hi how are you?
Girl #1--- You must have overheard me say that I love BJ.
Man-- Well it's kind of a hard thing for a guy not to overhear.
Girl #2-- BJ is my boyfriend--- that's his name.
Tanda
331 Park Ave. South (between 24th & 25th St.)
Girl #1: I can't believe you are not going to say hi to him.
Girl #2: Say hi to who?
Girl #1: The guy sitting right next to you.
Girl #2: Why would I say hi to him?
Girl #1: Because you hooked up with him last week?
Girl #2: Oh... he looks different.
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Blondie's
212 W. 79th St. (between Amsterdam & Broadway)
Man: Are you gay?
Woman: I should be; woman like me more than men.
Swift Hibernian Lounge
34 E. 4th St. (between Bowery & Lafayette)
Woman: Is that the best Guinness you've ever had? Because that's what their website
says.
Man #1: The best Guinness is a free one!
Man # 2: Or your ninth one.
Man # 3: Yeah, and your 10th is the worst!
Moran's
501 Garden St., Hoboken, NJ
Man #1 (to Man #2): Wow, you're that much older than I
am? So that means we masturbated to a whole different generation of girls
growing up!
Coppersmith's
793 Ninth Ave. (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
(watching Monday Night Football)
Man #1: Who is the Raiders back-up quarterback?
Man #2: (pointing to the guy in Raiders face paint) I don't know, ask the
Raiders fan.
Man #1: Hey Raider dude, who is your backup QB?
Man #3: I don't know...I'm a Jets fan...I lost a bet.
(see photo)
Fubar
305 E. 50th St. (between First & Second Ave.)
(As a pick-up line)
"I play softball.....You watch porn?"
Nice Guy Eddie's
5 Avenue A (E. Houston St.)
Woman (to female friend): Once you get it, it feels so
good.
Man (jumping in): I agree!!
Woman: I was talking about snowboarding.
Man: Sure you were!
The Banshee Pub
1373 First Ave. (between 73rd & 74th St.)
Man #1: He plays the harmonica.
Man #2: Yeah, I suck and blow a lot.
Woman: That could be good!
The Parlour
250 W. 86th St. (between Broadway & West End)
Woman: Want to know anything about the vagina?
Man: What?!?!?!?
Woman: Ask me a question about the vagina...I just saw The Vagina Monologues.
Man: Ohhhhhhhhhh! OK, what's your favorite part?
Woman: The sensitivity. What's yours?
Man: The inside!
Puck Fair
298 Lafayette St. (between Houston & Prince)
"I'm old enough to be your father. But
that doesn't make me a bad person. There are other things that
make me a bad person, but that's not one of them."
Coppersmith's
793 Ninth Ave. (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
Man #1: (looking at attractive women light up a cigarette):
Oh, damn, she smokes.
Man #2: That's a mandatory deduction.
Man #1: I know.
Man #2: Look on the bright side: She's willing to risk her life for a relatively
small amount of pleasure.
Man #1: I'm glad you put it that way, because I'm a relatively
small amount of pleasure.
Indigo Bar
(closed)
487 Amsterdam Ave. (between 83rd & 84th St.)
Woman:(pointing at clock behind the bar): Is that the right
time? 10:48?
Man: No, it's 11:15. 104.8 is the radio station.
Nice Guy Eddie's
5 Avenue A (E. Houston St.)
(during Monday night football) "OK, we have the NY
Giants against the Philadelphia...Freedom . . . or something like that."
The Parker House
First Ave. & Beacon Blvd., Sea Girt, New Jersey
Man: Good thing I'm not a chick, because I have no sensitivity
in my nipples.
Ryan's Daughter
350 E. 85th St. (between First & Second Ave.)
Man: What's your dog's name?
Woman: Puck...as in hockey puck...because Messier isn't a good name for a dog.
Metro 53
307 E. 53rd St. (between Second & First Ave.)
Woman (pointing to a knap sack on the floor): Look at
that! Who brings a knapsack out with them to the bars? I hate
that! What do they need all that stuff with them for, anyway?
Man: Um, that's mine, and I haven't been home since Friday.
Mustang Sally's
324 Seventh Ave. (between 28th & 29th St.)
Man: You're looking at me with eyes like I'm too young for
you...am I?
Woman: I am?
The Half King
505 W. 23rd St. (Tenth Ave.)
"We have a love-hate relationship. I hate her,
but I love to f**k her."
Nice Guy Eddie's
5 Avenue A (E. Houston St.)
Woman: Today is the kind of day I'd rather just stay on
the couch and study.
Man: What are you studying?
Woman: My lines! I'm an actress!
B Bar
40 E. 4th St. (between Bowery & Lafayette)
Guy 1: "can I buy you a drink?"
Guy 2: "Sure, Vodka tonic"..."wait, are you gay?"
Guy 1: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Well I'm not, but I sure would like that drink"
(guy 1 buys the drink)
The Firehouse
522 Columbus Ave. (between 85th & 86th St.)
Man: I know a girl that says it isn't sex if he's wearing
a condom.
Woman: Whoah! I'm a virgin!!
Go
(closed)
73 Eighth Ave. (13th St.)
Woman: I used to live in Silicon Valley.
Man #1: Do they have big breasted women there?
Woman: No, that's L.A.
Man #2: You must have met a lot of men there.
Woman: They were nerds!
Marty O'Brien's
1696 Second Ave. (between 87th & 88th St.)
Man #1 (to three hot women): Can I
have a group hug?
[ They oblige]
Man #2: Who the hell is that guy?
Man #3: I don't know, but we can learn a lot from that man.
The Parlour
250 W. 86th St. (between Broadway & West End)
Man: I don't understand...You're not
married?
Woman: Right.
Man: You don't have a boyfriend?
Woman: Right.
Man: So I have a shot, then?
Woman: No!
Coppersmith's
793 Ninth Ave. (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
"I have two homes. I am bi-homial."
The Tiki Room
(closed)
4 W. 22nd St. (between Fifth & Sixth Ave.)
Bouncer: (to Man #1 & 2) Sorry
guys, I can't let you in wearing sneakers.
Man #1: (with shoes): Can I go in without him?
Man #3: You mean to tell me you would blow off your friend just
because he's wearing sneakers?
Man #1: Yeah! (and then goes in)
H.V.I. (Hunter Village Inn)
Hunter, NY
Man #1 (after watching his friend dance naked
the night before): [Are you] going to dance again?
Man #2: No, I've done a lot of growing up since
then."
(about 1 hour later he was again onstage ----- dancing -----
naked.)
No Idea
30 E. 20th St. (Broadway & Park Ave. South)
"I wish that Kerry Collins
would start drinking again. At least then we'd have
something in common, and there would be something that I liked
about him!"
The Parlour
250 W. 86th St. (between Broadway & West End)
Man (watching Olympic figure skating): It's
too bad there are no heterosexual male figure skaters, because
they'd clean up!"
Victory Cafe
(closed)
1604 Third Ave. (90th St.)
Man #1: I can't believe three
beautiful women with such big asses.
Man #2: Are you talking about their asses, or the guys they are
with.
Man #1: Come to think of it....both!
Miss Elle's
(closed)
226 W. 79th St. (between Amsterdam & Broadway)
Man #1 (looking at man at end of bar):
If that guy has one more of those, he's going to wind up in the
hospital.
Man #2: He just got out. Looks like he wants to go back.
Man #1: Whew, that's the hard way.
Man #2: Nah, he's a former Marine -- he gets in free.
The Tiki Room
(closed)
4 W. 22nd St. (between Fifth & Sixth Ave.)
"...the four words a guy
never wants to hear from his girlfriend: 'we need to talk!'"
Nevada Smith's
74 Third Ave. (between 11th & 12th St.)
"Osama bin Laden, you fuckin' shitbag!...You can kiss my royal Irish ass!"
Banshee Pub
1373 First Ave. (74th St.)
"I'd rather live here and
die of anthrax than live in Canada and die of old age."
Coppersmith's
793 Ninth Ave. (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
Man # 1: (to
friend who shows up late) So, where were you tonight?
Man # 2: I was in court - I practice law part
time.
Man # 1: Oh, cool.....and I practice OB/GYN part
time!
(Girlfriend smacks him in the head)
Swift's Hibernian Lounge
34 E. 4th St. (between Bowery & Lafayette)
"... I think we could get
a group of guys from this bar that could beat the Redskins."
Coppersmith's
793 Ninth Ave. (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
(describing Mariners fans)
"...latte-drinking, suddenly unemployed dot.commers who
think they invented baseball".
Blooms
41-08 Queens Blvd., Sunnyside
(closed)
Man #1: I'm horny, I'm drunk, and I'm
stupid.
Man #2: Wow, if you were a chick, you could get laid!
Zanzibar
401 W. 45th St. (Ninth Ave.)
Man: Let's all go back to my apartment for
some nook.
Woman: You were out until 2 last night. Are you sure you can
perform?
Man: Yeah. That guy's never tired.
Venue
505 Columbus Ave. (between 83rd & 84th St.)
(closed)
"I saw a T-shirt that said, '1
tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor..."
I was on my way to Rodeo Bar, so I said, 'woo-hoo', that's me in
a few hours!"
O'Flaherty's Ale House
334 W. 46th (between 8th & 9th Ave.)
Woman #1: (pointing out all her single
guy friends in the bar): And J. over there is really sweet,
cute AND he's looking...
Woman #2: He's not looking over here..."
Coppersmith's
793 Ninth Ave. (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
Man #1: What's the matter, are you not in
touch with your feminine side?
Man #2: Yeah, I am. In fact, I'm in touch with it every
day.
Town Crier
303 E. 53rd St. (between First & Second Ave.)
Man #1: Do you have to work tomorrow?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: Then I can't hang out with you.
Man #3: Me, neither.
Man #2: Are you implying that I'm a bad influence on you?
Man #3: No, we are telling you: You are a bad influence!
O'Neill's
729 Third Ave. (between 45th & 46th St.)
Man: These chicken fingers are huge!
Woman: They're more like chicken fists.
Martell's
200 E. 83rd St. (Third Ave.)
"I was sitting home at 10:30 on a
Saturday night. My friend calls, and he says, 'I'm surprised
you're home'.
I said, too bad you're not a chick calling me."
Jeremy's
254 Front St. (Dover St.)
"This is the first time I've seen two
women donating a bra while next to them two kids are eating a
Happy Meal."
Live Bait
14 E. 23rd St. (between Broadway & Madison Ave.)
Man: What nationality are you?
Woman: Dysfunctional?
...at the beach
"Jackie Robinson was the first openly
black baseball player, and look at him now, he has an
inter-borough parkway named after him."
Gallagher's Steakhouse
228 W. 52nd St. (between Broadway & Eighth Ave.)
"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a
tooth? That's nonsense! We'd all be blind and toothless. You
gotta relax in life!"
Black Sheep
583 Third Ave. (between 38th & 39th St.)
Man: (referring to what time of the day
he would be available to visit McSorley's)
"Well, I work for a phone company, so I basically have 8-10
free hours a day".
Kilmegan
60-19 Roosevelt Ave., Woodside, Queens
Man (to bartender): We'll take 2
Buds, for 2 studs.
Man (to women): And what are you ladies drinking?
Women: Coors Light
Man: And 2 Coors for 2 whores.
SLAP!
Typhoon Brewery
(closed)
22 E. 54th St. (between Fifth & Madison Ave.)
Waiter to Man: Can I get you
something?
Man: Yes; a new wife! Mine just turned 40 !!
Martell's
(closed)
200 E. 83rd St. (Third Ave.)
"Now I know why I'm not married: I
love women too much."
Merchant's
521 Columbus Ave. (85th St.)
(closed)
Man: Most women who are attractive women
are a little insecure.
Woman: Thank God I'm not attractive, because I am VERY secure.
The Parlour
250 W. 86th St. (between Broadway & West End)
Woman # 1: I don't understand men's
obsession with boobs.
Man # 1: What, are you kidding me?!?! Men are obsessed with what
they don't have.
Woman #2: Men don't have vaginas, either.
Man #2: Hello! Name the other
thing men are obsessed with!
McAleer's
425 Amsterdam (between 80th & 81st St.)
"My rule of thumb is, if you wear a
string bikini, and you can't see the string, you have no business
wearing it."
Rory Dolan's
890 McLean Ave., Yonkers, NY
(Tall blonde blue-eyed) Man: You
know, if you and I got together and procreated we could recreate
the Aryan Race.
Woman: No, my Dad is Jewish and I dye my hair.
(... needless to say, the
conversation ended there)
Puck Fair
298 Lafayette St. (between Houston & Prince)
Woman #1: Do you have college beers?
Bartender: What's that?
Woman #1: Bud, Coors Light. You know, the kind of beers you drank
in college.
Bartender: I drank Guinness in college.
Woman #2: I'll have a Heineken - the graduate school beer.
McAleer's
425 Amsterdam (between 80th & 81st St.)
"I don't like people who smoke, but I
used to date this girl, and she smoked, and that turned me on
because she was a slut."
Lex 303
303 Lexington Ave. (37th St.)
Man #1: Do you want another
beer?
Man #2: No thanks, I'm trying to cut down to 'excessive'.
Man #1: From what?
Man #2: From ridiculous!
American Spirits
1744 Second Ave. (between 90th & 91st St.)
"How much did you pay for
that wig?"
"Well it actually comes in three parts. 16 bucks for this
part, 12 for this one, and 16 for this one."
"The boobs are real though, right?"
"Are you kidding me? No way."
"They're HUGE!"
"I want to get 'em bigger, maybe out to here."
"Sweetheart, that's too big. Anything more will just be a
waste."
"They're already a waste. I just want them to be a bigger
waste."
Moran's
4 World Financial Center (250 Vesey St.)
(closed)
Man #1: Didn't you fool around with that
girl?
Man #2: Yeah, I did.
Man #1: How was it?
Man #2: I'd put her in the Top 15.
McAleer's
425 Amsterdam (between 80th & 81st St.)
Man #1: ... I bent over to pick something
up, and I felt like a weeble, I didn't think I could get back
up... So I go to the doctor and weigh myself. (I'm not a big fan
of scales. If you're fat, your fat; if you're thin, you're thin).
Anyway, my doctor tells me I'm overweight.
I tell her "you
could lose a few pounds yourself".
She says, "it's not about me..."
Man #2: Wait a minute. You have a female doctor? That must make
the prostate exam very interesting.
Man #1: Can I still get food here?
El Rio Grande
160 E. 38th St. (Third Ave.)
"I have my sister's wedding that day.
I have to remember my lines for the eulogy."
The Village Idiot
355 W. 14th St. (between 8th & 9th Ave.)
(closed)
Woman: I grew up in the middle of five
brothers.
Man: That had to hurt.
The Ginger Man
11 E. 36th St. (between 5th & Madison Ave.)
Woman (trying to squeeze a lime into
her Corona): It's hard to fit such a big thing into such a
small opening.
Man: Yeah, I have that problem.
Woman: I doubt that.
Los Dos Molinos
119 E. 18th St. (between Irving Pl. & Park Ave.)
Man #1: Look at those women sitting
at the bar, smoking. They're only smoking so they can meet a guy.
Man #2: Yeah, in the animal kingdom, all they have to do is
stick their butt in the air, but humans have to hang out in bars
and smoke.
Man #3: Why can't women just stick their asses in the air?
Man #1: They can, but once they're married, they stop doing that.
The Black Sheep
583 Third Ave. (between 38th & 39th St.)
Woman: Do you have a significant
other?
Man: What is a significant other?
Woman: Answer the question. What do you think a significant other
is?
Man: To me, a significant other is a donut in the morning.
McAleer's
425 Amsterdam (between 80th & 81st St.)
"I emailed you last week. I was
looking for someone to be a bad influence on me, and I thought of
you."
Poolbeg Street
(closed)
304 Third Ave. (between 23rd & 24th St.)
"I never though I'd be jammin' to the
Grateful Dead with my father, but it's pretty cool!"
Jameson's
421 Beach 129th St., Rockaway Beach
Man#1: I was talking to this girl,
she was an MD.
Man#2: Really.....a medical doctor?
Man#1: No. A mass deformity.
Lex 303
303 Lexington Ave. (37th St.)
Woman: You always disagree
with me!
Man: No I don't!
The Black Sheep
583 Third Ave. (between 38th & 39th St.)
"She looks good from far, but she's
far from good."
Tribe
132 First Ave. (St. Marks Place)
Man: I know the umbilical cord
connects to the baby's belly button, but what does the other end
connect to?
Woman #1: Why don't you ask the pregnant woman?
Man: O.K.
Man: (to pregnant woman): I know the umbilical cord
connects to the baby's belly button, but what does the other end
connect to?
Woman #2: Me !
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th & 26th St.)
"You're 35. That means
you're closer to 50 than you are to 20."
later that night...
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 First Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
Man #1: Hey, the bartender
just turned 35 recently too. That means he's closer to 50 than he
is to 20.
Man # 2: Sucks, doesn't it.
Bartender: It didn't suck until you just said that!
Thady Con's
915 Second Ave. (between 48th & 49th St.)
Man #1: The high point of working
the ski lifts was getting phone numbers. The low point was
working the kiddy lift. You had to work harder, and you get no
phone numbers...unless it was the babysitter.
Man #2: So when you saw a hot woman with a kid, you'd say,
'please be the nanny - not the mommy'.
The Crane Club
(closed)
408 Amsterdam Ave. (between 79th & 80th St.)
Man #1: That's a nice belt. It
doesn't hold your pants up, but it looks good anyway, so who
cares?
Woman:(No response. Gives man the finger)
Man #1: What?...I like your belt.
Woman: How do you expect me to respond to a compliment like that?
Later on...
Man #2 (laughing) to Man #1(confused): That was
funny. Turns out she thought you said. "nice belt...it would
look a lot better if you had no pants on."
Man #1: She wasn't hot enough for me to be giving her a
compliment like that.
The Library
7 Avenue A (between 1st & 2nd St.)
Man: You remember him, you met
him at Marty O'Brien's, Eammon Doran's, the Rangers game...you've
drank with him plenty of times.
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't remember him.
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th & 26th St.)
"He ordered cable, the
cable guys comes over to install it, and he doesn't even own a
TV!"
Brother Jimmy's
428 Amsterdam Ave. (between 80th & 81st St.)
Man: Do you wanna grab some
wings?
Woman: No, not really.
Man: I thought you said you were hungry...
Woman: If I were hungry, I'd drink a Guinness.
Marty O'Brien's
1696 Second Ave. (between 87th & 88th St.)
Man: I had such a bad dream, I
woke up and turned the lights on. I need a teddy bear.
Woman: A teddy bear or a wife?
Man: A teddy bear. Ten bucks and I'm done! And I have it forever!
Turtle Bay
987 Second Ave. (between
52nd & 53rd St.)
He's the only guy I know who knows
all the words to "I Will Survive."
The Ginger Man
11 E. 36th St. (between Fifth & Madison Ave.)
Man #1: French women are the best
looking women in the world.
Woman: What?!
Man #2: Naked women are the best looking women in the
world.
Woman: No, naked men are the best looking women in the
world.
Coppersmiths
793 Ninth Ave. (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
"All right, sixteen more
beers, then I gotta go."
Iona
108 Grand St. (between Bedford Ave. & Driggs St.)
Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Man #1: I haven't dated a
white girl in 15 years.
Man #2: He doesn't like generic snatch.
Man #3: Its all pink on the inside.
Thady Con's
915 Second Ave. (between 48th & 49th St.)
"I'm going to see Paddy
Reilly at Paddy Reilly's. I've loved him since I was nine. He's a
dirty old man, I know, but I still love him"
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th & 26th St.)
Man: Do you take the 7 train
to get to Queens?
Woman: I used to - now I take the RR.
Man: I used to have a girlfriend in Flushing. That 7 train is
such a long ride!
Woman: Yeah, it is.
Man: And when she used to not let me stay over, it really sucked!
St. Mark's Ale House
2 St. Mark's Pl. (between Second & Third Ave.)
Man: This is my friend D., he
loves bush...
Woman: Excuse me?!
Man: ...George Bush that is.
Donovan's
214-16 41st St., Bayside, Queens
"The only good
thing I can say about red hair on a man is that it looks nice
when it turns gray".
Turtle Bay
987 Second Ave. (between
52nd & 53rd St.)
"I can't rip off a bar. I
love bars. I want them to stay in business."
The Cutting Room
19 W. 24th St. (between Fifth & Sixth Ave.)
Woman: Do you have any pot?
Man: Let me check...do I have a pulse? Yes. Then I have pot...I
live in Northern California, so all of my pot fantasies come
true.
McGee's
240 W. 55th St. (between Broadway & 8th Ave.)
"Do you think the plasma TV makes people look fat?"
First Edition
41-08 Bell Blvd. (41st. Ave.), Bayside, Queens
Man: If I were on O.J.'s jury,
he would be in jail right now.
Woman #1: Absolutely! He was so guilty!
Man: And I can't believe that there are women out there who still
want him. - they think he's hot!
Woman: #2: He must have a great big dick. That is the answer.
The Living Room
84 Stanton St. (Allen St.)
Woman: Every guy wanted her,
but word got out that she was untouchable.
Man: Why is that?
Woman: I don't know...She was either engaged, or she had a
boyfriend ...or she was a lesbian.
Windfall
23 W. 39th St. (between Fifth & Sixth Ave.)
"I went to my 10 year
college reunion recently and apologized for being an obnoxious
a**hole in college. And people said, 'Oh, that's OK, we forgive
you, we understand'. Nobody said, 'no you weren't'. "
McAleer's
425 Amsterdam (between 80th & 81st St.)
Man #1: Can we have a pitcher
of Bud...
Waitress: OK.
Man #2: ...and a bottle of Bud.
Waitress: Anything else, Mr. High Maintenance Boy?
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th & 26th St.)
"What time does the 9
o'clock train leave?"
Malachy's
103 W. 72nd St. (between Columbus & Amsterdam Ave.)
Man: This time tomorrow, I'll
be drinking my dad's beer.
Woman: He makes his own?
Man: No, he'll be paying for it
O'Reilly's Pub
54 W. 31st St. (between Sixth Ave. & Broadway)
Man #1 - Watching these two
companies do business is like watching two dinosaurs having sex.
Man #2 - Yeah, and we are on the bottom!
Rocky Sullivan's
129 Lexington Ave. (between 28th & 29th St.)
Woman - I like that guy.
Man - I though you only liked firemen.
Woman - No, not really.
Man - So, you'll take anyone?
Woman - (no response)
The Towerview
Roosevelt Ave., Woodside, Queens
Woman #1: (talking about
germs) I use a paper towel to open the ladies room door.
Woman #2: And I push the elevator button with my knuckle.
Woman #3: No way! I use my nose!
Mad River Bar &
Grille
1442 Third Ave. (between 81st & 82nd St.)
Man #1 - Where did you go to
college?
Man #2 - New Paltz.
Man #1 - Does this place remind you of college?
Man #2 - Yeah.
Man #1 - New Paltz, that was a big pot smoking school, right?
Man #2 - There are things I did there that I wouldn't do anywhere!
Windfall
23 W. 39th St. (between Fifth & Sixth Ave.)
" Some people
suggest that you should push out all your children around the
same time so they can play together when they are older.
You know what? They'll have friends, you know. They'll have their
own friends. I mean we had nine kids in my family and we never
ever played together, not once."
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 First Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
Bartender (taking a dip of
food): This is the best and worst cheese on the f*#king
planet.
(he eats it). Oooooh!....No!
Bellevue Bar
538 Ninth Ave. (40th St.)
Man - What did this place used
to be called?
Bartender - It had like 7 names in 2 years. It used to be called
Drag, and it was a smokers bar, but people thought it was a drag
bar. The postal workers wouldn't come in, saying 'I aint going to
a gay bar!'
The Cutting Room
19 W. 24th St. (between Fifth & Sixth Ave.)
Woman: Hey - that glass is smaller than
your last glass of Guinness.
Man: No it's not.... It's just longer and thinner. Long and thin
gets it in, but short and thick does the trick.
Woman: Eeeeww! No way. Girls HATE short and thick.
Bliss Bar & Lounge (closed)
256 E. 49th St. (Second Ave.)
Woman: - They say that
everybody masturbates.
Man: I heard that 90% of people masturbate, and the other 10% are
lying.
Woman: I have a friend who masturbates every day.
Man: Um...you have TWO friends who masturbate every day!
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th & 26th St.)
Man #1: I am waiting for them
to invent the cell phone that gets implanted in your thumb and
pinky.
Man # 2: No, how about your mouth and your ear!
Man #3: Your rear?! That's disgusting!
The Parker House
First Ave. & Beacon Blvd., Sea Girt, New Jersey
Woman 1 (horrified by the
drunken crowd): "Oh my God!!! Is everyone here just to
get drunk and hook up?"
Woman 2: "ABSOLUTELY! This is Candyland for men! Now grab
yourself a drink and hop on the game board!!!!"
McFadden's Saloon
800 Second Ave. (42nd St.)
Man #1: Big t*ts, nice legs,
pretty face, she was almost the perfect woman.
Man #2: So, what was the problem with her ?
Man #1: She had a tongue !
Man #2: Bummer.
Kabooz
Penn Station, Amtrak Level
(Eighth Ave. & 33rd St.)
(Watching Met game)
Woman: I really like that Bobby Valentine.
Man: Do you really? That guy's a nut!
Woman: But he has such a nice smile.
Man: (rolls eyes) Women!
Tir na Nog
5 Penn Plaza Eighth Ave. (between 33rd & 34th St.)
Woman: Can I get you
a drink?
Man: Can I have a ginger ale?
Woman: No!
Man # 1: In that case, I'll have a Guinness.
Man #2: I was going to say! I've never known you to order a soft
drink!
Windfall
23 W. 39th St. (between Fifth & Sixth Ave.)
"If everybody in
the world farts, how come it still stinks? Shouldn't we have
adapted by now?"
The Galaxy
15 Irving Pl. (corner of 15th St.)
Man: (yawns) I'm so
tired! I hope I get my second wind.
Woman: Oh no! Does that mean you don't want to bang me tonight?
Man: What! Are you kidding me??!!
Cafe Spice
35 South 2nd St., Philadelphia, Pa.
Man #1: Show me your tattoo.
Woman: (stares at him)
Man #2: The one on your arm.
Woman: Oh! OK
Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking
Festival
sponsored by The Black Sheep
583 Third Ave. (between 38th & 39th St.)
"I know her, she's the
nurse that spilled sh*t all over my white carpet!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"A big giant Guinness
just told me I was beautiful!"
Doc Watson's
1490 Second Ave. (between 77th & 78th St.)
Woman: You guys could really
drink legally when you were 18?
Men: Yeah.
Woman: Get the f*#k out of here!!!
Man #1: Why do you think we are the way we are?
Hunters
1387 Third Ave. (between 78th & 79th St.)
Woman #1: I think Ben
was the ugliest Walton boy.
Woman #2: Oh yeah? I think Jason was uglier.
Woman #1: But when Jim-Bob grew up, he took the cake.
Woman #2: Yeah! That Adam's apple was like an Adam's grapefruit!
Lex 303 Rooftop Bar
303 Lexington Ave. (37th St.)
(16th floor, Shelburne Hotel)
"I'm not too
sure about George W., but I really liked George...you know, the
original."
Tiki Bar
312 Boardwalk, Point Pleasant Beach, N.J. (Jersey
Shore)
Woman: So when are
you getting married?
Man: I'm getting married in May.
Woman: May what ?
Man: May that day never come!
McFadden's Saloon
800 Second Ave. (42nd St.)
Man #1: I have been
contemplating about the meaning of life and where I fit in, in
recent days.
Man #2: I have been contemplating about how many games the Eagles
will win this year.
Man #1: You always look at the little things.
Man #3 (to man #1): I know you know about that.
Doc Watson's
1490 Second Ave. (between 77th & 78th St.)
Woman: They have
'beans on toast' on the menu.
Man: I'd be afraid to sneeze.
outside Pizzeria Uno
(Steuben Day Parade)
E. 86th Street
Woman #1: Do you want
a beer?
Woman #2: I was going to eat
first.
Woman #1: Well hurry up!!!
Heartland Brewery
35 Union Square West (between 16th & 17th St.)
Man: ...what kind of
apartment are you looking for?
Woman: Studio....one-bedroom....
Man: You're easy?
Woman: I'm easy.
Man (to man #2): I love it when women say that.
No Moore
(closed)
234 W. Broadway (N. Moore & W. Broadway)
"...She was so
hairy down there, she looked like she had Fidel Castro in a
scissor lock chewing on a London broil..."
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th & 26th St.)
Man # 1: I know
there's a twosome and a threesome, but what's it called with 4
people?
Man #2: An orgy.
Man #1: Oh, yeah!
Thirteen
35 E.13th St. (between Broadway & University Pl.)
Woman #1: Those guys
were all hanging around that girl.
Woman #2: They couldn't stop staring at her ass and legs.
Man: You can't hang out with an ass and pair of legs all night,
she's gotta have a personality, too.
No Moore
(closed)
234 W. Broadway (N. Moore & W. Broadway)
Man: Do you hear that
song?
Woman: Yeah, Joe Jackson: "Is She Really Going Out With
Him?"
Man: Yeah, I say that every day!
Landmark Tavern
626 Eleventh Ave. (46th St.)
Man #1: This beer is
a little flat.
Man #2: Like a ten year old girl.
Woman: (delayed reaction): That's disgusting!
Patrick's Pub
711 Main Street, Belmar, Jersey Shore, NJ
Man: I've never heard
you talk about your sex life, How is it?
Woman: I talk about it all the time. I say nothing. By the way,
how is yours?
Man: Infrequently.
Woman: Is that one word or two?
Thirteen
35 E.13th St. (between Broadway & University Pl.)
Man: Your shirt has a
button open.
Woman: I know! It keeps popping open. Its hard to keep these
babies under wraps!
No Idea
30 E. 20th St. (Broadway & Park Ave. South)
Man #1: The early turtle gets the worm.
Man #2: What?!?!
Man #1: Yeah, he beat the rabbit...or something like that, I
forget how it goes.
P.D. O'Hurley's
174 W. 72nd St. (between
Columbus & Broadway)
Woman #1: What a
delightful bathroom experience. I had ABBA playing on the
speakers!
Woman #2: One woman's heaven is another woman's hell.
Union Bar
204 Park Ave. South (between 17th & 18th St.)
Man # 1: We were just
at Luna Park. If this were a Thursday, forget about it, we
couldn't get in the place.
Woman: Why?
Man #1: Because in the summer, everybody wants to be outside.
Man # 2: Even the drunks!
Candela
116 E. 16th St. (between Irving Pl. & Union Square)
Bartender (to two
men as they enter): These two seats are taken. They went to
the ladies room.
...later, as the attractive women leave and the men sit down
Bartender: The two women that were sitting here left.
Man : I know! What did you do to them?
Bartender: I know what I want to do to them...
Triple Crown
330 Seventh Ave. (between 28th & 29th St.)
Woman: (finishing
up her beer): OK guys, I'm outta here. I've got to go to
work now.
Man: You're allowed to drink on the job?
Woman: No. That's why I'm drinking now.
Cannon's
2794 Broadway (108th St.)
Woman: I bought the
Macy Gray CD. It is total bedroom music, like Sade.
Man # 1: One time, I was with a girl & she put on Sade. I
knew I was gonna get it.
Man #2: I know. That happened to me once when a girl put on Kenny
G.
Man #1: I don't even think I could perform if a girl put on Kenny
G.
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th & 26th St.)
Man # 1: You're on two
softball teams? How do you find time for both?
Woman: I have no life.
Man #2: I'm on three teams. What does that say about me?
Man #1: We were already talking about you.
Phebe's
(closed)
359 Bowery (E. 4th St.)
Man #1: I love you,
man. I love you like an uncle.
Man #2: Thanks...wait a minute, an uncle?!?
Carnegie Hill Brewing Co.
(closed)
1600 Third Ave. (corner of 90th St.)
"...it's my
first pub crawl in seven years. My parents will be so
proud."
Max Fish
178 Ludlow St. (between Houston & Stanton St.)
Woman #1: (discussing
Bewitched) Which Darren did you like better: Dick York or
Dick Sargent?
Woman # 2: That's one dick I wouldn't touch!
Iggy's
132 Ludlow St. (between Stanton & Rivington St.)
(Four guys at the
bar drinking, one drinking O'Doul's)
Man # 1: Even the bartender is shaking his head at you.
Bartender: It is like having sex and not coming.
Welcome to the Johnson's
123 Rivington St. (between Norfolk & Essex St.)
Man #1 (talking
about another bar): ...they have pictures of genitals on the
wall.
Man # 2: Its called art.
Man # 1: Yeah, if its in color, its porn, but since its in black
& white, they call it art.
The News Room
(closed)
854 Gerard Ave. (between 160th & 161st St.), Bronx
Man #1 (in men's
room, combing his hair): Damn! After seven hours wearing a
hat, I guess its not going to get any better.
Man #2: You, my friend, have hat head.
after a few more seconds combing...
Man #1: F*#k it, I'll just put the hat back on.
Trinity
229 E.84th St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
"If you can't
move on the dance floor, you can't move in the bedroom."
The Red Lion
151 Bleecker St. (Thompson St.)
Man: Do you know [name
withheld].
Woman: No.
Man: Oh, he doesn't drink, so you wouldn't know him.
Girl from Ipanema
252 W.14th St. (between 7th & 8th Ave.)
Man #1: Did you see
the t*ts on that bartender? Each one was the size of a cash
register.
Man #2: Ch-ching!
Duke's
99 E.19th St. (Irving Pl. & Park Ave S.)
Man #1: I'm not
staying out late tonight.
Man #2: Yeah, famous last words.
Bliss Bar & Lounge
(closed)
256 E. 49th St. (Second Ave.)
"That's what I
love about New York: I can do whatever the f*ck I want, and
nobody cares."
Farrell's
215 Prospect Park West (16th St.), Park Slope, Brooklyn
(scene: on a very
long line for a women's room that has only 1 stall. All women on
line observing a chick who's trying to weasel her way to the
front of the line....)
Woman # 1: "Look out for that girl- she's trying to cut the
line"
Woman # 2 (to the cutter): "You have to get to the
back of the line- we've all been waiting for 15 minutes".
The Cutter: "I don't have to use the bathroom- I just want
to look in the mirror"
Woman #1: "Why doesn't she just put a bag over her
head?"
El Rio Grande
160 E. 38th St. (Third Ave.)
Man: Don't you know
that 22 year-old men can go all night?
Woman: I don't want to teach, I just want to f*ck!
S & T
(closed)
587 Third Ave. (between 38th & 39th St.)
Man # 1: Alcohol is a
lot of fun, but it can cause a lot of problems, too.
Man # 2: It can also make fat chicks seem pretty.
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 First Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
Man: Who smells nice?
Woman: I just burped up onion pizza, so it's definitely not me...
* * * * * * * * * *
* * * *
Man: ...who's
underwriting the IPO?
Woman: Douche Bank
Man: You mean Deutche Bank?
Woman: (embarrassed giggle)
Man: I think we have another "overheard"...
Woman: (pleading): Don't tell MurphGuide, I'll do
anything!
Pete's Tavern
129 E. 18th St. (Irving Place)
"...he was so
hairy he had to shave two times a day. One night, we were in a
bar, making out. He said, 'wow, your lips are so red!'. I
couldn't tell him it was blood caused by his stubble."
The Irish Circle
102 St. & Rockaway Beach Blvd., Rockaway Beach
"This chick
thinks that just because [she's a woman], she can cut to
the front of the bathroom line.
If she was a 10, I'd say 'yeah',
but she looks like she got hit with a bag of nickels."
Irving Plaza
17 Irving Plaza (between 15th & 16th St.)
Man: (at a loud
concert) Do you know what it means when people yell
"woooo"?
Woman: No, what ?
Man: It means, "I have a beer in my hand so I can't
clap!"
Tir na Nog
5 Penn Plaza Eighth Ave. (between 33rd & 34th St.)
Man: This is
great....I have an ice cold Heineken in my hand, and I'm talking
to three women about sports. What could be better?!!!
Dewey's Flatiron
210 5th Ave. (between 25th & 26th St.)
"...I think I
burned my eyelashes with my hairdryer..."
Six
months later...
The Ginger Man
11 E. 36th St. (between Fifth & Madison Ave.)
"Remember when I burned my
eyelashes? It happened again, and I said, oh no, I hope Murph
doesn't find out..."
Trinity
229 E.84th St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
"Website, schmebsite!"
The Alamo
304 E. 48th St. (between First & Second Ave.)
"I love her more
than my mother, so she's going to have to either screw me or
adopt me."
The Parlour
250 W. 86th St. (between Broadway & West End)
"I have a test
to see how old women are: I ask them 'who sang Killing Me
Softly With His Song?'
If they say Roberta Flack, I can talk to them, but if they say
The Fugees, I know they're too young for me."
Tir na Nog
5 Penn Plaza Eighth Ave. (between 33rd & 34th St.)
Woman #1: What's that
stuff you're drinking?
Woman #2: Woodpecker Cider.
Woman #1 (to Bartender): I'll have a Coors Light and a
Wood Cider Pecker, please.
Man at the bar: "Oh, I'll give you a pecker alright!"
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 First Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
Man #1: What kind of
shots do you guys want?
Man #2: Sex on the beach!
Woman: 'cause that's the only way you can get it!
Blind Tiger Ale House
518 Hudson St (W. 10th St.)
"...noses are
one of the funniest looking body parts...next to the penis, of
course."
Swift's Hibernian Lounge
34 E. 4th St. (between Bowery & Lafayette)
Man: How was your New
Year's Eve?
Woman: ...I was drinking Ketel One, chasing it down with
TastyCakes ... I woke up in vinyl pants and nothing else...then I
had to do the walk of shame in vinyl pants. And everybody knows,
because nobody wears vinyl pants in the morning.
The Stinger Club
241 Grand St. (between Driggs & Roebling)
(describing
another bar) "It's an esthetical nightmare, and I'm not
even into that sort of shit..."
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 First Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
Man #1: Did you hear
that one in four AT&T executives are going to get the ax?
Man # 2: Yeah, and they are cutting back at Penthouse,
too.
Woman: You mean you guys really read the articles?
Joshua Tree
513 Third Ave. (between 34th & 35th St.)
Man: She couldn't decide who
to sleep with...
Woman: ...so she slept with everyone!
Trinity Pub
229 E.84th St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
"...if the best sex you
ever had was in '78, boy, you've had a miserable life!"
Tammany Hall
(closed)
218 E. 53rd St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
Man #1: Hello ladies! This is
my friend, M. How are you doing tonight?
Woman #1: Hi, I'm A., this is J. Listen, we're starving, so we're
going to go to the back and get something to eat. We're not blowing you off or anything. See you later.
(They leave)
Man #2: (Watching them leave) Dude, they're not coming
back. Let's steal their jackets!
Ye Olde Tripple Inn
263 W. 54th St. (between 8th Ave. & Broadway)
Woman: How did you hear your
cell phone ring?
Man #1: It vibrates.
Man #2: A vibrating phone is essential when you're out at night.
Woman: A vibrator is essential any time!
Stoned Crow
85 Washington Place (Sixth Avenue)
Woman #1: Did you check out
the Antonio Bandares picture in the ladies room?
Woman #2: His ankles were too fat.
Woman #3: Who's looking at his ankles?
Woman #1: His package was at eye level!
Woman #2: But I'm not into bikinis on men.
Woman #1: I wasn't into him, but I am now!
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 First Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
Man: I'll show you
mine if you show me yours.
Woman: OK, go ahead!
Man: You don't want to see my hairy ass.
Woman: I'm not talkin' about your ass!
W. 3rd Street Kettle
130 W. 3rd Street (between 6th Ave. & MacDougal St.)
Man #1: ...she ordered a round
of beers and a mind eraser. Did you ever have a mind eraser?
Man #2: Many! Why do you think I'm like this?
Man # 3: That explains it.
Ship of Fools
1590 2nd Ave. (between 82nd & 83rd St.)
Woman: ...sex is my best
asset.
Man: Do you care to elaborate on that?
Woman: I mean I'm really good at it...
O'Flaherty's Ale House
334 W. 46th (between 8th & 9th Ave.)
"...I hated my play, and I wrote the f*cking thing..."
Dakota Bar & Grill
(closed)
1576 Third Ave. (between 88th & 89th St.)
Woman: What are these nuns
doing in here?
Man: Begging....or fundraising, depending on if you're a
Republican or Democrat.
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 1st Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
Woman #1: Boxers or briefs?
Man #1: Boxers
Man # 2: Briefs
Man # 3: Boxer-briefs
Woman #2: You're a Libra, aren't you?
Belmont Lounge
117 E. 15th St. (between Park Ave So. & Irving Pl.)
Man: Do you have any sisters?
Woman: No, but I have two brothers...
Man: What good does that do me?
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th & 26th St.)
"Where is the waitress? I
don't need a drink, I just want to look at her."
Trinity Pub
229 E.84th St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
"...he's the only fireman
in NY that can't get laid on St. Patrick's Day..."
Union Bar
204 Park Ave. South (between 17th & 18th St.)
"She's cute, she's
drunk...she's perfect!"
O'Neill's
729 Third Ave. (between 45th & 46th St.)
"I can't wait till I hit
the Lotto and don't have to answer to anybody...
...anybody but the pizza guy!"
Phoenix Park
206 E. 67th St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
Man #1: Wow, look at those! Do you think
they're real?
Man #2: They're real and they're spectacular!
Man #1: I think she heard us...
McAleer's
425 Amsterdam Ave. (between 80th & 81st St.)
Woman (posing in a group photo):
I'm sitting on some guy's knee...
Man: That's not my knee.
Connolly's Pub
14 E. 47th St. (between 5th & Madison Ave.)
Man: Can I get you a beer?
Woman: No, I'm slowing down. I'll have a Coke.......and a Coors
Light!
Rocky Sullivan's
129 Lexington Ave. (between 28th & 29th St.)
Man: Can you hand me my Guinness?
Woman: That stuff will put hair on your chest.
Man: Good, because I don't have any...
Woman: I do, that's why I had to give it up!
El Rio Grande
160 E. 38th Street (Third Ave.)
Man #1: Wow, look at those!
Man #2: Too pointy for me. I like 'em round.
Man #1: I like 'em pointy. You like 'em round?
Man #2: Yeah, I like 'em round!
(10 minutes later...)
Man #1: You really like 'em round?
Man #2: Yeah, I like 'em round!
Man #1: I like 'em pointy!
Rocky Sullivan's
129 Lexington Ave. (between 28th & 29th St.)
"He speaks so highly of you.
I've never heard a man speak so highly of another man without
being gay."
Bailey's Corner
1607 York Ave. (85th St.)
"...bitter and angry is
good..."
Alonzo's
(closed)
302 E. 45th Street (between 1st & 2nd Ave.)
"In bars, anything can
happen....That's why I love bars....That, plus the alcohol."
Bryant Park Grill
Bryant Park (42nd St. between 5th & 6th Ave.)
Man #1: I am going to buy a round.
Man #2: Yeah, right. The last time I saw you open your wallet,
George Washington still had black hair on the $1 bills.
Raccoon Lodge
(closed)
480 Amsterdam Ave. (at 83rd St.)
Man # 1: That girl is playing pool
lefty.
Man # 2: That makes her exotic.
Man # 1: Yeah, but she has a Laura Ingalls dress on.
Man # 2: That makes her frumpy.
McAleer's
425 Amsterdam Ave. (between 80th & 81st St.)
Man #1: Why are those two guidos
talking to that hot Irish chick?
Man # 2: 'Cause you're not!
Cannon's
(closed)
2794 Broadway (108th St.)
Woman #1: Let's take a picture of
all the guy you've kissed.
Woman # 2: Oh, the lens is not big enough ...
Joshua Tree
513 Third Ave. (between 34th & 35th St.)
Woman: "...did you hear (name
withheld) came out? I always thought he wanted to be with
me...but I guess he just wanted to be like
me."
Time Cafe
380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.)
Woman #1: "...and I can
invite everyone from the hospital..."
Woman #2: "Invite doctors!"
Man: "Invite nurses!"
Woman #2: " Invite rich, single doctors with teeth!"
Man: "Invite rich single nurses without teeth!"
O'Flaherty's Ale House
334 W. 46th (between 8th & 9th Ave.)
Woman: That woman has 'I want
to get laid' written all over her face.
(2 minutes later...)
Man #1: ..and it looks like she will get laid
tonight.
(5 minutes later...)
Man #2: ... come to think of it, I have it written all over my
face.
McAleer's
425 Amsterdam Ave. (between 80th & 81st St.)
"If I ever suck face with (name
withheld), I want you to shoot me on the spot."
The West End
2911 Broadway (between 113th & 114th St.)
"I love tequila. It's the
best shot! It's such a happy buzz!"
O'Neill's
729 Third Ave. (between 45th & 46th St.)
Man #1: We're just lushes...
Man # 2: ...and she's luscious!
Flight 151
151 Eighth Ave. (between 17th & 18th St.)
"She was so worried that I
would tell people, that she went around telling
people."
Chelsea Brewing Co.
Chelsea Piers, 12th Ave. & W. 18th St. (Pier 59)
Man: ...and I'll have an order of
potato skins, and...
Waitress: We don't serve potato skins.
Man: What?! No potato skins!
Waitress: I know, this isn't a real brewery...
Rocky Sullivan's
129 Lexington Ave. (between 28th & 29th St.)
Man: I love hanging out with you!
Woman # 1: I know! We love hanging out with you too! (group
hug)
Woman # 2: In forty years we'll still all be hanging out
together.
Man: No we won't...we'll be dead!
Merchants
1125 First Ave. (62nd St.)
Man: I went shark fishing out
of Montauk once.
Woman: Did you catch anything?
Man: Yeah, I caught a buzz.
Woman: A buzz shark?
Man: No. A buzz. You know, like after about 12 beers...
McAleer's
425 Amsterdam Ave. (between 80th & 81st St.)
Woman: ...I get bored very
easily...
Man #1: Come on, with so many distractions in NYC? That's why
nobody gets married.
Woman: Men don't distract me.
Man #2: Men don't distract you?
Woman: Don't get me wrong, women don't distract me either, if
that's what you're asking.
The Globe
373 Park Ave. S. (between 26th & 27th St.)
Man #1: Rank these 3 things in
order of importance: food, sex, sleep.
Man #1, Woman #1, Man #2, Woman #2: 1. Sex, 2. Food, 3. Sleep.
Woman #3: What about cuddling?
Man #3: What is cuddling?
The Grand Saloon
158 E. 23rd Street (between 3rd & Lexington Ave.)
"...the only baby in that
house is going to be baby back ribs..."
McCormack's Pub
365 Third Ave. (between 26th & 27th St.)
"...Scottie Pippen is the
Garfunkel of the '90's..."
Cub Room
131 Sullivan Street (Prince)
"...money and sex: If you
have to talk about it, you don't have it or your not getting
any."
Thady Con's
915 Second Ave. (between 48th & 49th St.)
Woman: "So, you had a good
time last night, huh?"
Man: "Oh yeah!...My mother definitely would have been
ashamed of me!"
McAleer's Pub
425 Amsterdam (between 80th & 81st St.)
"...maybe I'll become
bi-sexual so I can double my chances on a Saturday night
..."
The Tonic
108 W. 18th St. (Sixth Ave.)
Woman: Put that beer down, we're
leaving.
Man (with full beer): Are we leaving this second,
or this minute.
Woman: This minute.
Man: OK, then! (continues drinking his beer)
Bar 9
807 Ninth Ave. (between 53rd & 54th St.)
Man: ...Patrick Stewart is gay.
Woman: No, he's not, he was married.
Man: That was just a beard.
Woman: He was married for 25 years, that's a pretty long beard!
Bull's Head Tavern
295 Third Ave. (between 22nd & 23rd St.)
"I like women who put up a
front, but you can see right through it. (She's one of them)."
Flight 151
151 Eighth Ave. (between 17th & 18th St.)
Woman (on Trivia Night):
I'm no good at trivia.
Man: Come with me, we'll find something you're good at...
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th
& 26th St.)
Woman (to her female friend):
No sex tonight, so I guess we're going to have to eat chocolate.
Man: Good thing my penis is made out of chocolate.
Caliban
360 Third Ave. (between 26th & 27th St.)
Man #1: So, you're
not drinking tonight?
Man #2: No, I gave up drinking for Lent.
Man #3: I know how you feel. I did that once..............ONCE!
Divine Bar
244 E. 51st St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
Man #1: I never want to be the
"Best Man" ever again.
Man # 2: Always the best man, never the man!
The Parlour
250 W. 86th St. (between Broadway & West End)
Woman: Do you ever snowboard?
Man: No, I want to spend every hour on the mountain working on my
skiing. I don't have enough time to be bad in TWO winter sports.
Village Idiot
355 W. 14th St. (between 8th & 9th Ave.)
"I went to grab his ass and I
got all trousers...no ass!"
Pig 'n' Whistle
165 W. 47th St. (between 6th & 7th Ave.)
Man # 1: Did you hear Joe Torre
has prostate cancer?
Man # 2: How does one know if he has it? What are the symptoms?
Man # 1: Pain, but you should always have it checked by your
doctor. The worst part is the exam. You got to make sure you go
to a doctor with small fingers.
Man # 3: I don't mind the finger, its the flashlight that
hurts...
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 1st Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
(Wheel of Fortune on TV):
Phrase: S-O-M-E-O-N-E-S / B-E-E-N / S-L-E-E-P-I-N-G / I-N / M-Y / B-E-D
Man # 1: "That's what I say in my bedroom all the time. Then
its, 'someone's been eating my porridge!' "
Man # 2: "Dude, you gotta move out of your parents'
house!"
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th
& 26th St.)
Woman (while doing shots):
"Somebody's got to make sure that I get home to Hoboken in
one piece...and my skirt is below my waist at all times!"
Tribeca Tavern
247 W. Broadway (between Walker & White)
"I have enough money to last
the rest of my life...( if I live until 9:30 tonight)"
Blaggards
45 W. 39th Street (between 5th & 6th Ave.)
(heard after drunken
discussion about religion) ...well, ... I'm an atheist ...
Thanks be to God!
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 1st Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
"Wow, that's the first time
that 'going out for one' actually meant ONE."
McSorley's
15 E. 7th St. (between 2nd & 3rd Ave.)
Woman: "In college, my
friend & I had a theory: We wouldn't drink beer. That way, we
wouldn't gain weight."
Man: "Yeah, but you you'd probably drink 10 screwdrivers and
then go out and eat a whole pizza, right?"
Woman: "Exactly."
Korova Milk Bar
200 Avenue A (between 12th & 13th St.)
Man #1: This place is modeled
after the bar in 'A Clockwork Orange'.
Woman: The book or the movie?
Man # 2: Both.
Woman: Which was better?
Man # 2: The movie.
Woman: Did you read the book?
Man # 2: No.
The Globe
373 Park Ave. S. (between 26th & 27th St.)
"If that ever happens,
I'll kill myself, just so I can roll over in my grave."
Yeat's Tavern
42-24 Bell Blvd., Bayside, Queens
Woman #1: "You have such
a great laugh!"
Man: "Ha Ha Ha! I know! I'm gonna make a great dirty old man
someday!"
Woman #2: "Yeah....in about two years!"
Fred's
476 Amsterdam Ave. (83rd St.)
"...weed is one thing, but
you gotta draw the line on hypodermic needles."
The Ginger Man
11 E. 36th St. (between Fifth & Madison Ave.)
Woman: Who ordered the Hefe-weizen?
Man #1: That looks like urine & spit.
Man #2: If urine and spit taste this good, I'd spit and piss in
mugs all day long!
Mercantile Grill
126 Pearl St. (Hanover Square)
"...I'll never forget that
grain alcohol party you threw at ......where did you live
again?"
Carnegie Hill Brewery
(closed)
1600 Third Ave. (corner of 90th Street)
Man # 1: Wow, she's a hottie!
Man #2: Yeah!
Man # 1: Oh, but she's got an engagement ring.
Man #2: I find that unattractive on a woman.
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 1st Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
"...If I had a chest like
yours, I'd go topless, too!"
J.T.'s Italian-American
Grille
(closed)
301 Madison Ave. (between 41st & 42nd St.)
"...I wish Seinfeld didn't
make fun of: 'It's not you, it's me'. It ruined it for
me, now I can't use it anymore."
Dewey's Flatiron
210 Fifth Ave. (between 25th
& 26th St.)
"...when I get pregnant, I'm
gonna have a C-section, and I'm gonna tell the doctor: 'while
you're down there, do some lipo!'"
Irving Plaza
17 Irving Plaza (between 15th & 16th St.)
Man: There is a woman over there
handing out free condoms.
Woman: What kind did you get? Are they "ribbed for my
pleasure?"
Man: Yeah, but I wear them inside-out, so they're ribbed for my
pleasure.
Carnegie Hill Brewery
(closed)
1600 Third Ave. (corner of 90th Street)
Man #1: ...North Dallas is a dry
county.
Man #2: Why would anybody want to live there?
Mug Shot Saloon
(closed)
1446 First Ave. (between 75th & 76th St.)
Man: Is it usually this quiet?
Woman: No, usually, we're all partying like rock stars.
Man: But tonight you're partying like John Tesh!
Merchant's NY
1125 First Ave. (62nd St.)
"You are as old now
as we were when you first made fun of us for being
old!"
Mad River Bar &
Grille
1442 Third Ave. (between 81st & 82nd St.)
"Can I have a pint of
Chardonnay?"
Langan's
150 W. 47th (between 6th & 7th Ave.)
Man (watching ball-game):
Randy Myers, the Mets traded him for John Franco.
Woman: Franco is about as useless as this bottle. [an empty
Coors Light bottle]
El Rio Grande
160 E. 38th St. (Third Ave.)
Woman #1: "You two keep
drinking, and you're not getting drunk."
Woman #2: "That's because we're Irish."
Woman #1: "I don't have any Irish in me."
Man: "Want some?"
Edward Moran's Bar &
Grill
(closed)
250 Vescey St. (4 World Financial Center)
"...if you're short, be
proud of it. If you're tall, be proud of it...If you're fat, lose
weight..."
The West End
2911 Broadway (between 113th & 114th St.)
Woman: "...I'm kind of
committed..."
Man: "Kind of committed? Isn't that an
oxymoron?"
Telephone Bar
149 Second Ave. (between 9th & 10th St.)
Man#1: Why don't one of you
lame-asses talk to that hottie over there?
Man#2: I'm too drunk.
Man#3: I'm too sober.
The Globe
373 Park Ave. South (between 26th & 27th St.)
Man: "...I want a coffee,
desert, and a blowjob."
Waiter: "I don't think I can help you with that last
one."
Man at the bar: "Was he asking for the drink, or did he
really just want to get blown?"
Bull Head Tavern
295 Third Ave. (between 22nd & 23rd St.)
Young Woman: (Elated that
she just sunk the eight ball in her first game of pool)
Man: "Do you want to break?"
Young Woman: "No, I want to keep playing!"
Brother Jimmy's
428 Amsterdam Ave. (between 80th & 81st St.)
Man #1: "...she's
thinking of getting a breast reduction..."
Man # 2: "What a waste. She should get a breast transplant.
That way, someone who needs breasts can get them,
too."
Edward Moran's
(closed)
4 World Financial Center
Man: "...what's your
favorite position?"
Woman #1: "...........ummm.........shortstop."
Woman # 2: "Oh, I was gonna say like, Top....Bottom....Sideways....."
American Spirit
1744 Second Ave. (between 90th & 91st St.)
(in the men's room)
Man #1: "There's no toilet paper, so if you need to take a
crap, you're f#!*ed [screwed]
Man #2: "At this hour, If you have to take a crap, you might
as well just go home."
Man #1: "Yeah, except that I live in Brooklyn."
Connolly's
14 E. 47th St. (between 5th & Madison Ave.)
Man #1: "I work out every
morning..."
Man #2: "Oh yeah? When did you start, this week or last
week?"
Chelsea Brewing Company
Chelsea Piers, 12th Ave. & W. 18th St.
" ... I was at the gym
today. God, I was dying. I was like: 'I need water....I need
oxygen....I need a blood transfusion....I need a cigarette!'"
Who's on First
(closed)
1683 First Ave. (between 87th & 88th St.)
Man: (defensively)
"Hey, I'm in shape..."
Woman: "I've never heard of being in shape with a beer
gut."
Man: "I'm in shape, I just have a layer of fun wrapped
around it."
Turtle Bay Grill & Lounge
987 Second Ave. (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
Man: What do you like in a man?
Woman: Honesty is the best quality in a man.
Man: Honestly, you have a great pair of tits!
Lava
(closed)
28 W. 20th St. (between 5th & 6th Ave.)
"...I'm a deep person in
a shallow world... "
Bahi
(closed)
274 Third Ave. (between 21st & 22nd)
Man: "...you are very
pretty."
Woman: "Thank you for saying that!"
Man: "Thank you for being that."
Murphy's Law
417 E. 70th (between York & 1st Ave.)
"...laziness rocks!"
Harp Bar
132 W. 32nd (between 7th & Broadway)
Man: "...and they're
concerned because they don't have a cabaret license and this is Giuliani-town."
Woman: "I know! No dancing, no jaywalking..."
Man: "No porn!"
Woman: "Somebody stop that man!"
The Parlour
250 W. 86th St. (between Broadway & West End)
Man #1 (staring at a
woman's breasts): "Wow, she's got nice guns!"
Man #2: "You could invade a country with those guns!"
Dorrian's
1616 Second Ave. (84th St.)
Man # 1: (staring at woman in
sleeveless shirt) I love women who show a lot of skin.
Man # 2: Yeah, you gotta appreciate a women who chooses to go
sleeveless in winter.
Man #3: Either that, or she's got nothing left in her wardrobe.
Acme Underground
9 Great Jones St. (between Broadway & Lafayette St.)
Woman: Do you mosh?
Man: Yeah, but only at home by myself.
Connolly's
14 E. 47th St. (between 5th & Madison Ave.)
Man: "Who's your favorite
Spice Girl?
Woman: "Oh, I really don't know the Spice Girls."
Man: "That's the right answer!"
O'Flaherty's Ale House
334 W. 46th (between 8th & 9th Ave.)
Woman: I want to go see "I Love You,
You're Perfect, Now Change". One critic said its like Seinfeld
set to music.
Man: One critic said, "I laughed, I cried"
Woman: Did they say that about this play?
Man: No.
The Ginger Man
11 E. 36th St. (between Fifth & Madison Ave.)
Man: "You're dressed very nicely."
Woman: "Even with these sneakers on?"
Man: "OK, you look good from the ankles up."
Woman: (sarcastically) "Gee, thanks"
The Grand Saloon
158 E. 23rd Street (between 3rd & Lexington)
Man 1: "How are things going with your new
girlfriend?"
Man 2: "Things are going great. We've even exchanged the
"L" word: I said 'I love you', and she said 'I love
your cooking'.
Reminisce Lounge
(closed)
334 E. 73rd (between 1st & 2nd Ave.)
Woman (describing her friend):"...she's
very pretty, but she's also very picky"
Man (looking at the guy she's with): "Except for
tonight..."
Black Finn
994 2nd Ave (between 52nd & 53rd St.)
Man #1: When my suits are getting old, I donate
them to St. Vincent's.
Man #2: That one's about ready.
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